Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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