Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
