Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
