I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
