i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
