This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
