y did u give ur computer a hand job?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
