I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
