just survived the first fart of the relationship.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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