nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
