i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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