Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
