If that was your dad, he is hot
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
