Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
