this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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