i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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