i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
