so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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