Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
