If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
