where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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