I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
