matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
