Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the day after is always just damage control
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
