Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
