he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
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I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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