Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
