Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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