I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
