Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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