FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize