physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You are a genius and a whore.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
