I look better un-naked...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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