saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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