...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
