i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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