Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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