I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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