It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
