On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Umm I'm too high to move.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
