so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was confusing and full of hummus
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
