he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
