it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
