Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize