so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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