I have demons in me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
