she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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