I haven't been this sober since birth.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
