Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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