so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
