My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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