I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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