Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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