it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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