Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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