I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
