if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
