I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
