Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
