Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
