Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
