Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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