Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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