I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
