Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
