Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
