the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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