don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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