Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
