Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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