bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
