with your own penis?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
