I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
