I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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